Alley has penned a self-deprecating Hollywood tell-all in the disguise of "note-to-self"-style diary entries. With many apologies to Bridget Jones, we learn that Alley is a former cocaine addict who once participated in the snorting of a six-foot-long trail of powder at a party. (She's says she's currently a Scientologist and credits L. Ron Hubbard with curing her of her narcotic addiction, as well as her issues with food.) We also learn--for better or worse--that she has the hots for John Travolta, Kid Rock, and Ben Affleck, and that she blames her weight gain for a super-extended period of unplanned celibacy.

Little suede pants -- Lillian's diet -- Cocaine and Dianetics -- Lies, a trilogy -- What does baby want? -- Lies, a trilogy -- Lies, a trilogy -- Lilliput -- Divine attention -- Mamsley -- Farewell to Lillian -- Sky class -- Go hemp yourself! -- Driving Miss Kirstie -- The two faces of fat -- "C.W." -- Cocktail attire -- Two faces of fat -- Lord Jim -- Pooping.