"If you would have told a young John Stamos flipping burgers at his dad's fast-food joint that one day he'd be a household name and that, at the height of his success, he'd be living alone, divorced, with no kids, high on a cocktail of forgetting, he might've asked, "You want fries with that?" John burst onto the scene in General Hospital, propelling him into the teen idol stratosphere, a place that's often a point of no return. But Stamos beat the odds and over the past four decades has proved himself to be one of his generation's most successful and beloved actors. Whether showing off his comedic chops on Full House or his dramatic skills on ER, pushing the boundaries on Broadway or living out his youthful dreams as an honorary Beach Boy, John has surprised everyone, most of all himself. A universal story about friendship, love, loss, and the courage to embrace love once more, John Stamos's memoir is filled with some of the most memorable names in Hollywood, both old and new.

Foreword / by Jamie Lee Curtis -- Prologue: The messenger -- Mercy -- Club fame: members only -- Big nose Stamos -- The key and the keyhole -- Flash in the pants -- The yellow basket bandanna -- Tinkering with the tip -- NEET girls -- Slappin' skins with the candy man -- Golden handcuffs -- The chase -- Down the rabbit hole -- Satans and saints -- The odd couple of mentors -- Your baby's a pig -- Beach Boy bingo, I win! -- Smoke one for me, Johnny -- Keep my name alive -- These are the good old days: A donkey called peppermill -- God only knows -- I can! -- Life is a cabernet -- Antonio: a rich, creamy Spanish soup -- Negotiate my balls -- The big D -- Shitting the bed -- Burn -- Blunder down under -- Bye bye Bob's knee -- Curtain call -- The real best man -- I love you more -- Bang -- The odyssey -- Disney girl -- The high clown settles down -- Cake -- Epilogue: If you would have told me.